Over the last month I’ve been challenged to think of a word for 2014. One word that I’ll reflect on and try my best to act upon. I first saw this idea of focusing on One Word for the year on She Loves Magazine and thought it was quite a challenge. How are you supposed to pick only ONE? Isn’t that limiting? What if you choose wrong? But then I thought about it some more and realized I never can meet all my goals anyways – why not work on just one area, one word that umbrellas over my goals. One word to focus my attention on instead of a list a mile long? So I decided to join the #OneWord365 and chose my one word for 2014: FEARLESS. Once I decided to participate it was solidified when I read about The Nectar Collective’s “Creative Collective” Project this year – the first challenge was to choose a word to focus on for the year and share it! This year I want to live my life differently. I want to take more risks and to be a braver person. I want to be more fearless.
Fearless in my faith
Fearless in my relationships
Fearless in my job
Fearless in being ME
We all have our own fears and insecurities, some of them more deeply rooted than others. I have plenty of my own that have way over stayed their welcome! I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want to get out of this New Year – how I want to make all my dreams come true, how can I be more fearless? Then it dawned on me, I only have to change one thing. Me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not completely awful and I don’t think so poorly of myself that I think I should just pack it in and start over. No, I’m awesome in my own right, I’ve grown so much over the last few years and have seen glimpses of who I could be. I’ve earned each and every one of my beautiful scars – I’m perfectly imperfect. I am beautifully flawed. But I don’t have to keep repeating the same mistakes. I can stop some of the insanity and can take all that I’ve learned about myself and who I want to become and use it to grow further, dig deeper, soar higher…enough of the euphemisms? I know I can get a little carried away sometimes!
The point is that I have become far too aware that my insecurities and fears have been HUGE road blocks in my life. We’re talking Godzilla size road blocks! They have stolen amazing opportunities from me. Insecurity has stopped me from pursuing my dreams earlier in life, held me back from potential relationships, and has fed me countless lies that I can’t and will never be enough. And now that I am more aware, now that I can see the lies for what they are, LIES, I want nothing more than to kick them out of my life! But how do you go about changing you? How can I change who I am and be different when I’m so used to being this way – letting fear and insecurity take the front seat while I drive aimlessly around (often at a granny pace or too fast to see what I’m missing out on).
The reality is I can’t really, I’m incapable of truly changing just by wanting to. I am powerless over my fears and insecurities. I cannot try harder, I cannot make more detailed lists, I cannot will myself into being better. Believe me I’ve tried! I simply cannot do it on my own. I need help from the only One who really can transform me – the One who created me. But it is so hard to let go and give my life, my “control” (or fantasy of control) over to God. How do I trust Him to do what’s best for me? How do know it will be better? I don’t really know the answers, I don’t know how it will all play out and what it’ll look like. But I trust that it will be better than where I’m at now. I am holding onto hope and taking a leap of faith. I know from my past experiences that He has never let me down, I have only ever done that to myself. He was there to pick up the pieces – every time. That is what I can hold onto, that is what I put my trust in. Hope in a brighter tomorrow where I can fearlessly let go of the old me so that the new me, the bold me, can be free. Free from fear – fear of failure, fear of rejection and oddly enough fear of success (because then there would be crazy expectations and that would just be too much! What is wrong with me?!).
Now comes the hard part, continuing down this path to fearlessness and not turning back…
So in the words of Kevin McCallister – “I’m not afraid anymore. You hear me? I’m NOT AFRAID ANYMORE!” at least for the most part…
My verse to remind me to be more Fearless is: 2 Timothy 1:7 “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” (NLT).
Here’s to a year of being FEARLESS. In all the ways that turns out to be. Let’s do this 2014!